From 2015 to 2020 I spent 90% of my time away from home. Obviously a big part of this was due to the fact that I had an office job during those years. But aside from that, my social life was the most active it has ever been.

Once I graduated from college and joined the local Catholic young adult group, my life became one long stream of happy hours, girls’ nights, dinners, brunches, beach outings, Bible studies, movie nights, small roadtrips, concerts, coffee dates, etc.

Even after I moved towns for a year, I was blessed to find community almost instantly and kept up my busy schedule virtually without a blip. I’m not trying to glamorize that season, it was difficult in its own right. I never loved being in an office, and of course the dating world comes with its own major ups and downs.

Regardless, after I married my husband, my life drastically changed. The day after our wedding we made the 14-hour trek to Connecticut where he was enrolled in a training for three months. We lived in a hotel on a military base until we moved to Florida in March of 2021. Luckily we were friends with another military family who was stationed there at the same time. On top of that, Stephen’s schedule was super light, which meant we spent most of our time there together. We even made friends with some missionaries who invited us over a handful of times.

Then we moved to Florida and that is where my social life came to a screeching halt. Although we joined a parish almost immediately, I struggled to connect with the other families there who were several years (and several children) ahead of me.

Since moving here I’ve made a few friends—which I am so grateful for. But meeting up regularly has been difficult. In any case, it goes without saying that I’m home 90% of the time now.

As much as I looked forward to getting married and having a family, being home with a baby is undoubtedly lonely. Of course, I could get a job outside the home instead of working part-time remotely. But I don’t feel called to work outside the home for now. It would also be difficult to justify this financially with the expense of daycare. Finally, I don’t think being lonely is a good reason for me to forgo being Monica’s primary caretaker. I think this is where I’m supposed to be, even if it’s hard! Nevertheless, as someone who loved being a busy social butterfly bouncing from one social gathering to the next, a quiet life at home is unsettling at times, to say the least. This is a calling, an important one, not an easy one.

Social media can be (and I think for many is) a portal between our domestic lives and the outside world. But I think there is a danger in letting it become a substitute for real, human connection. Social media can be entertaining and helpful in many ways, but it is not a true support system.

A support system, or ‘tribe’ as it is sometimes called, is someone who can come over and enjoy a cup of tea with you when you’re having a bad day. Someone who offers to watch your little ones so you and your husband can go out on a date. Someone who is there for the ups and downs, not just the photogenic parts of life. This type of support system is hard to come by these days. Most women don’t stay at home anymore, so those of us who do are largely on our own.

As I’ve wrestled with this over the past year, I’ve come to realize that—though it can be heavy at times—there is joy to be found in a quiet, hidden life.

There is a monastic element to the daily routine that goes without being posted about and is simply lived. There is something sacred in the silent nap times and early mornings. There is a deep joy in little smiles from your baby and making them laugh between chores. There is something immensely satisfying about the work of our hands, serving those we love.

There is also a lot of room for growth. I’ve challenged myself this year to get up earlier and pray, to exercise frequently, to try new recipes, eat healthier foods, bake often, and read more. I am striving to have healthy boundaries with my phone and overall lead a more contemplative life.

I know this time won’t last forever. Once we have more kids and they are a little older, I imagine our social lives will pick back up again. But I don’t want to wish this season away, it is a sweet one.

I am a little lonely at times, there is no way around that, and sometimes it is disheartening. But I am at peace with accepting the burden that comes with this part of motherhood and trying to make the absolute most of it.

I find joy in baking, cooking, organizing, getting ready for the different seasons, praying, reading, cups of coffee, exercising, writing, photography, spending time with my daughter, planning the next event, calling my mom…

The world does not value mothers. It encourages us to ‘choose’ motherhood only if it is convenient for us. It ‘permits’ us to have children within the parameters it has defined: have a baby(just the one) and six weeks later go back to the office. It pushes us out of our homes so we can build the economy and leave the indoctrinating to someone they approve of. It scoffs at the mother who chooses to stay home, she has no status. The few of us who are left have to fight to stay afloat as we plug along without the village that we at one time had.

I don’t mean in anyway to knock the ‘working’ mother (I think these terms are largely irrelevant today). Working outside the home can be a genuine calling, or out of genuine necessity—this is up to every family’s personal discernment. However, it is true that the mother who chooses to stay home has largely lost her place in society.

But the world doesn’t know that—despite the difficulty—being a homemaker is one of the most important roles we can play. And there is much joy to be found, if we persevere with a grateful heart.

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career.”
— CS Lewis