I realize it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. This has been partially because Stephen has been gone since October and I’ve been traveling for most of that time, so my schedule is a little out of wack and when I get down time I usually find that I feel too tired to write. But probably the bigger reason is my struggle this year with finding direction in this outlet that is blogging/social media.

A *lot* has happened over the past few years. Since 2020 I have gotten married, moved TWICE and had TWO kids (one of them being Monica who at least counts for 1.5 children). These are some fairly dramatic changes to happen in three short years and sometimes I feel as though I’m still catching my breath. I’m still adjusting to this new role of wife and mother and to this lifestyle that is so dramatically different from the one I led the 25 years previously.

As I reflect on another year around the sun, there is a lot that I could say about what I’ve learned or what I’m grateful for. But what I think I feel called to say is what has been weighing on me the most this past year or so.

Family life and motherhood (especially SAHM) can get a bad rep. The term ‘settling down’ is often thrown around when talking about this stage of life which to me has a negative connotation. When I hear ‘settling down’ my head goes to a married couple that is chained to their suburban home except when they leave for a 9-5 office job or a kid’s soccer game. I think of sweatpants and lawn mowing and ill-fated Disney vacations. I think of young people who fear marriage and children because it sounds like where dreams and adventures go to die.

When it comes to SAHM moms specifically, I see lots of overwhelmed, isolated and exhausted women who feel bad asking for help but are simultaneously somewhat resentful at times of everything that is asked of them. We love our families but we feel at the same time the weight of the burden of taking care of others without nourishing ourselves physically, spiritually, etc. In other words, caring for our families without the help and support we need.

This is what has resonated with me the most regarding motherhood and family life. You can be a wife and pursue dreams. You can be a stay at home mom who loves her family and cultivates a passion which may or may not be directly related to that sphere of life. As a mother and heart of our household, we are leaders. We are not at the mercy of what our children ‘let’ us do. We bring our children on an adventure with us, whether that be your local art museum or Europe.

I think there’s this idea that when you have children your life stops. No more spontaneous road trips or vacations to interesting places, or late nights out or exercising or practicing your instrument or gourmet cooking. Life is only play dates and library story hours and diaper changes.

I want a life that feels adventurous and creative and vibrant. I know that for me this means some travel (at least locally), taking care of myself physically and spiritually, and having a creative outlet. The creative outlet part is what I have been wrestling the most with this year. I have had a hard time discerning what that looks like. Is it blogs or social posts or a book or none of the above? Is it about motherhood or parenting or homemaking or none of the above? I’m not sure. This lack of direction has been painful and there have been many times when I have felt tempted to give up. But here I am, still writing.

I truly believe that a woman who is intentionally using her gifts and pursuing her passions and interests (whether that be solely in her home or inside and out of it) is a happier wife and mother and therefore necessarily a better wife and mother. On the other hand, exhaustion, bitterness, resentment, feelings of helplessness or lack of direction, ennui, etc. do not serve anybody.

I am so incredibly, wildly grateful for my family. I love my husband (and MISS him) so much and my children. They are the absolute greatest gifts from God. I want to love them well, and I know that doing so REQUIRES me to find ways of bringing joy and fulfillment into my life that I can then share with them.

This is my hope for 29: understanding a little more clearly how I am being called to use the gifts God has given me, both in my family and outside of it. In other words, I want to gain a better understanding of what my ‘love language to the world’ is (as Jen Fulwiler my unofficial life coach would say). And to pursue it, not at the expense of my family but rather for their benefit.

As I write this, Henry is next to me alternatively blowing bubbles and trying to eat the pillow. I love my life. Here’s to that

In camaraderie,

Miranda