Here’s where I’m at: with both my pregnancies, I underestimated dramatically how long it takes to get back to my ‘normal’ self.

Both times I’ve had Summer babies and so the excitement to wear jeans again when Fall rolled around has been almost indecent. Then that moment comes where I think to myself, ‘they might fit now’ and I pull out my favorite pair, try to squeeze in, and find that I can barely zip up—cue the overwhelming and painful feeling of frustration.

Similarly, as I’ve taken up blogging again and tried to gain traction via social media (that double-edged sword we all have a love/hate relationship with), I find my efforts yielding little to no fruit and become increasingly upset.

Meanwhile, I see other women who may or may not have recently had children looking glam as all get-out in their trendy jeans and still others (or maybe they’re the same ones) having more and more success on social or within whatever business they have. This just exacerbates every feeling of frustration and incompetency and all of a sudden I hit a wall.

This wall is built of all the nagging self-doubts, convincing what-ifs, scrupulous whispers, and reasonable reasons not to strive for what I’m striving for. Together they make up a barrier that is tall and strong and looks very not-climb-upable.

Maybe you fit into your favorite pair of jeans (you lucky duck). Or maybe your business is thriving already, but I bet there’s some area of your life in which you are facing a similar wall.

So what do we do? I’ve already done the whole moping it’s-too-hard-and-not-meant-to-be bit. Maybe you start there or maybe you skip that step. But step two is this: shift your focus.

When we get stuck, all we are thinking about is the success we’re not having, the progress we’re not making, all the reasons for our perceived failure and why giving up is the logical solution. But honestly, I think what we really need (9 times out of 10) is more time.

Yes, we might need a shift in strategy also. Maybe we need to get some constructive feedback or acquire some other knowledge we don’t currently have. But to truly move forward, we have to break away from the ‘I’m failing’ mindset first. We do this by focusing on an area of life that is fun, in which we are thriving, or is just different.

If last week all I could think about was the pair of jeans in my closet taking up space and silently taunting me, or that influencer I follow who is doing that thing I want to do and killing it, I’m not going to think about that this week.

Instead, I’m going to focus on finding the perfect china set I’ve been looking for at antique shops, or get a start on Christmas shopping, or clean that one room that has been really neglected—and make it look amazing.

I’m going to take on something that I feel confident about because I know I can do it well. This success will help me move out of the negative headspace I’m in and will then give the energy and momentum I need to continue climbing up that wall I’m facing in a different area.

Someone said that we overestimate by a long shot the progress we can make in a few months. But we also underestimate the progress we can make in a year if we just keep at it (whatever that ‘it’ may be).

I may not fit in my jeans next month either, but I might in January or February. I might not gain any more followers this year, but maybe a year from now I’ll be up by 50! But I can’t succeed if I don’t see the wall with a more optimistic lens.

So I will keep exercising and eating my vegetables. I will keep posting into the Great Void that is social media and I will keep evaluating my efforts, asking for feedback, and redirecting when needed. But I’m also going to not let these things take up my whole headspace. I’m going to let beautiful china, a shining guest bathroom, and gift-wrapping move in and have some room too. I’m going to let these other areas of life remind me that the wall I’ve built in my head is, in fact, just in my head.

And I might buy bigger jeans, too.

In camaraderie,

Miranda Kate