Your permission to delegate

Overwhelm. It’s something we all face at one point or another; doesn’t really matter what our vocation is, how old we are, or how many followers we have on IG. Currently, I see overwhelm happening with some frequency to young stay-at-home moms.

We don’t have support at home because, for the most part, we live far from family and our husbands work outside the home or just don’t have any bandwidth to help during the day.

We feel that we are unable to delegate any housework or childcare because, after all, that is our job.

I felt this when my husband was deployed and I wanted to hire a housekeeper to come and deep clean my house. I had been traveling for over a month and knew the place just needed a little TLC. Since I was pregnant and solo parenting a toddler, I felt hiring someone was the right call.

I had such a difficult time getting a recommendation because no one I knew had hired any type of help like that before. I felt a little embarrassed and questioned my decision big time.

I was chatting with a friend (who incidentally is not a SAHM) and she said something that helped me realize the wisdom behind my decision to get help: my job is to ensure my children have what they need (love, shelter, nourishment, etc.), and that our home is a comfortable and welcoming place to be.

That doesn’t mean I have to do it all myself.

Listen to me.

Yes, you are in charge. This is your domain and that is a BIG responsibility. But don’t fall into the belief that you can’t hire a sitter to come once a week so you can run errands/work on your passion project, etc. Do not believe that you shouldn’t be setting aside time REGULARLY to get your hair cut, read something edifying, progress in a skill, work out, or pray—in other words, time to TAKE CARE OF YOU and invest in your passions which NO ONE ELSE can do for you.

Do not believe that it is impossible to find room in the budget for takeout once a week or for a housekeeper to come on a monthly basis, or to find thirty minutes in your morning to work out. It is a sacrifice, a worthwhile one.

The reality is that most of us will have to hire someone for this type of help. And even though I know most of you may say that it is just fiscally impossible, I don’t think you have to be ‘wealthy’ to hire help. It just needs to be prioritized—which often means making cuts somewhere else. The truth is many of us feel that we *shouldn’t* need this type of help and so are afraid to ask for it.

If money is just not available consider asking a friend or (if you’re fortunate enough to have one close by) a family member. Or maybe you just need to talk to your husband about splitting responsibilities differently. Most people really do want to help—it’s just a matter of being honest about what you need and having the courage to ask for it.

You, as the homemaker, set the tone for your household. And if YOU are frustrated, exhausted, overwhelmed, and short-tempered, that will affect the ones you hold so dearly and are trying to serve most of all.

There is absolutely no good in us being martyrs about everything we have to do. We don’t have to be frazzled, stressed, overly tired, and feeling behind all the time. That is a recipe for burnout and resentment. Sometimes life will be crazy and that is normal. Never getting a break, disregarding of your legitimate needs, feeling guilty for wanting to do something for yourself…that’s not normal.

You do need to ensure what needs to get done, gets done (at least most of the time). You don’t need to do it all singlehandedly. Getting help is an opportunity for others to serve—or make some money! It is also a gift to your family because the tasks that enable them to thrive are taken care of, and you are also taken care of and joyfully present to them.

Take 15 minutes TODAY to consider what you need to thrive. Pick one item off that list to come up with an action plan for and then discuss it with your spouse. Don’t be afraid of hearing the word ‘no’ or of them not understanding your needs, I’ve been surprised at how often Stephen gets behind my decisions even when he doesn’t fully see where I’m coming from.

I think one of the biggest struggles with SAHM/Homemakers today is a lack of community and support. This huge and essential undertaking was not meant to be accomplished in isolation. When we learn to turn to others and ask for help, we experience relief from overwhelm and can actually enjoy this incredible calling that we have entered into.

In camaraderie,

Miranda Kate