Somewhere along the line, the whole ‘soccer mom’ concept became a stereotype which was mostly undesirable. The term was associated with a (possibly frumpy) woman who is overly invested in her children—outside of whom she has no ‘life.’ She simply drives her children back and forth to their respective activities (hence the soccer part) in a Honda Odyssey with bags of orange slices sitting in a cooler.

It may seem like a harmless stereotype, but I actually think it did some serious damage to women’s perception and expectation of motherhood. Especially if you compare that to the other end of the spectrum. Think Carrie Bradshaw: beautiful, glamorous, successful, unattached, wealthy, independent. No minivans. No frump.

These stereotypes have been part of a largely successful movement to convince many of us not to have children, or at least to postpone. We’ve been told to prioritize career first and foremost—because this is the true source of fulfillment, not boring suburban family life.

Women are actually now less happy relative to men and relative to women historically. The hard truth is that a job (no matter how much it pays) isn’t a substitute for the deep joy and fulfillment that comes with family life. I am sure the many women who are in a place of desiring marriage and family life can attest to this. Waiting is a heavy cross. Our work certainly can contribute to our happiness and well-being, but it is not the sole or even most important source of it.

However, recently I have begun to see a counter-movement happening in our culture. Women such as Hannah Neeleman, Julia Berolzheimer, Joanna Gaines, Carly Riordan, Jennifer Fulwiler and other well-known contemporary women, have led the way in showing a different, more beautiful side of motherhood. They have the ‘cool’ factor, we want to be like them. We see that their lives are interesting. We see that they have accomplished significant milestones even at a young age. We see them influence the culture in a big way—all while being wives and mothers. You don’t hear any of them complain about their children (except perhaps in a lighthearted way). You don’t hear them lament that being a mother held them back. They did both—babies and dreams (as Leah Darrow likes to say).

I’m not saying these women are the perfect mothers or that we need to follow their example to a t, I’m just pointing out the misconception that if you have children and maybe choose to stay home in some capacity, you have no life and all your hopes and dreams go down the drain. Clearly these women demonstrate that this isn’t true. We don’t all have to publish best-selling books or collect over a million followers on Instagram, but it is good to know we have the freedom to pursue our passions and interests even as we navigate the journey that is motherhood.

This is great news for all of us who perhaps were drawn to motherhood but afraid of becoming a resentful, unhappy, sloppy and unfulfilled version of ourselves that was chained to a diaper-changing station. We thought that motherhood would mean sacrificing all of our passions, interests, friendships, and general quality of life. We now have proof that motherhood doesn’t actually mean any of that. There is much sacrifice—but it is the kind of sacrifice you want to do (at least most of the time). And what good thing doesn’t require sacrifice? There are hard days, just as in anyone else’s life. But being a mother doesn’t detract from who you are, it adds to it. Your heart becomes larger to include these little people who hold you so dear. In that way, you are changed for the better, not worse.

Certainly your time is not your own the way it is when you are single or without children. And you may say that the women I listed above all have nannies or other type of outside help (I think at least a few of them do). But naps/quiet time provide most moms with at least a couple of hours daily to themselves. Getting up early before babies wake up (though difficult) or staying up past their bedtime is an option. Enlisting your husband, a family member, a friend, or simply budgeting for a babysitter to help is 100% possible in almost any situation. It takes more creativity and discipline than when you have an abundance of free time in your single years. But honestly, I use my time more wisely now than I ever did when I was single.

There is also another misconception that dedicating time to things that aren’t directly related to your children/family after marriage is somehow selfish or wrong. This idea has also hurt a lot of women as they strive to be healthy, happy moms and instead find themselves completely overwhelmed and without any sort of outlet. Finding and using your gifts is a blessing to yourself and others. It does not detract from motherhood—it feeds your vocation.

You can be a well-dressed mother. You can be a strong mother. You can be a social mother. You can be a creative mother. You can be a happy, fulfilled, loving mom. Life is never perfect—no matter what your vocation is. But the myth that mothers somehow draw the short straw is just that: a myth. Being a mother is one of the greatest privileges out there, and a gift that can be embraced wholeheartedly without diminishing who you are.

One day, I could very well be driving children to soccer practice in a minivan. That doesn’t mean I won’t continue to pursue my passions, take care of my heart, mind and body, and continually grow to be the woman God made me to be.

Here’s to the ‘cool moms’ paving the way.

Peace,

Miranda