I’ve been hesitant to write on this topic as it seems as though it can be kind of taboo. There are so many (strong) opinions on parenting and motherhood and I have so little experience that inserting my own thoughts feels a little redundant at best.

Nevertheless, in honor of Monica’s first birthday (!!!), I wanted to just share a few thoughts from this year—hopefully no one will take them too seriously ;).

Honestly, I found pregnancy to be much more difficult and much less rewarding than after Monica was born. Seeing her in person made such a huge difference—which makes sense.

You hear a lot about the sleepless nights, diaper changes, loads of laundry, embarrassing moments and general loss of ‘freedom’ in terms of schedule, but to me none of this has felt nearly as difficult as the nine months before she was born.

When the reward is so sweet, and so tangible as a little person you can hold in your arms, the sacrifice feels highly bearable.

This is not to say that there have not been moments of extreme frustration, or complete overwhelm, or even dejectedness. Of course there have been, but the good moments, in my experience, greatly outweigh the negative ones.

Furthermore, having Monica has forced both Stephen and I to grow as individuals and as a couple. One of my favorite parts about being a parent is the team work involved. Of course, there have been times when—because of the nature of Stephen’s job—I have had to carry more of the workload with Monica. This was incredibly difficult, and I am so grateful to my family who helped me through these times.

But in general, working together with Stephen to take care of baby girl has been such a gift—watching him be a father is one of my favorite things ever. You really do feel like a team working toward the same goal, dividing up the chores and taking turns to make the load significantly lighter overall. I know not every mother out there has a partner, or one who is as involved as Stephen is. My heart goes out to them as I have only had a small taste of this and found it extremely trying.

Because our time is more restricted and we have more responsibilities than we used to, we have had to work harder to be more disciplined. This has been one of the greatest fruit I’ve seen in myself and in Stephen as a result of having a baby. We’ve had to strive to be more disciplined with our time, which means the ‘restrictions’ we have now, actually help us accomplish more with less.

I have been more consistent with my prayer life, freelance work, housekeeping, and exercise regiment than I ever was pre-baby. Somehow, the constraints of motherhood pushed me to put forth more effort in creating and persevering in a routine that allows for all these things while always keeping my role as wife and mother at the center.

One of the greatest realizations I had early on, is that those things that feel like ‘extra’ (15 minutes of quiet prayer time before Monica wakes up, exercising regularly, date nights with Stephen, daily walks, an orderly home, my hobbies…) pour into my vocation as a wife and mother, they don’t take away from it.

If my house is clean, I’m more relaxed. If I’m eating well and moving my body, I have more energy, and more joyful with my baby girl. If Stephen and I take time to go out every now and then, our marriage is strengthened. If I go on a walk in the evenings, I feel more calm and more focused with my family. If I make sure to keep up with my writing and photography, I am happier and inoculated against any feelings of resentment. And most importantly, if I pray every morning, I am an infinitely better person overall than if I didn’t make that sacrifice to get up a little earlier.

“Any action that is not a fruit of prayer is worthless.”

Self-care is a buzzword you hear a lot these days and it makes me a little jumpy as it often seems synonymous with self-indulgence. But I do believe there is a type of self-care that requires discipline. And that is the kind I am a huge advocate for. Being a parent is incredibly demanding, taking care of your heart, mind and body will help you do this better.

I know this is easy for me to say as I only work part-time, have exactly one baby and a husband with a servant’s heart—but I hope that every mother will consider how her own (and very real) needs play into her vocation and how taking steps (however small) to meet them can truly improve her quality of life as well as those she is called to serve.

To clarify, my house is not always pristine. There are days my run is more of a walk and weeks that go by without a single date night. But I think setting high goals and failing is better than not having them. I may not make it every time and there will be seasons where one or all of these objectives will go out the window (I’m specifically thinking of the next pregnancy), but I will continue to persevere even if the success is not what I hoped and improvement is slow!

In terms of things I want to work on (and there are many), having more moments of just hanging out with Monica (and Stephen when he’s home) is my top priority. I tend to always have an agenda and to-do list running in the back of my head and I want to make a concerted effort to put this aside and simply be with my family.

Related to this is increased social media boundaries. I talked about this in my last post and so far have gone two weeks with only posting on social two days a week. It has made for much more peaceful days.

Finally, I really want to focus on praying as a family, so I’m looking forward to finding creative ways to do this during Advent (more on this later).

Here’s to having a lot to learn.

— miranda